I’m having a bit of a moral dilemma. I got this email yesterday afternoon from IT (this was after I had gone home):
As you know, about three weeks ago [the Boss Lady] spoke with me about certain parts of my behaviour affecting everyone in the office. She had a list of specific things that she mentioned to me that were upsetting, disturbing or annoying to the four people around me.
Since then I have apologised to [White Boy], [FiFi] and [Mo] about these things and asked that they let me know in the future if I do these things, as they’re obviously happening subconsciously since I’m not intentionally trying to upset anyone.
I am 100% fault for not apologising to you after the long weekend when we all got back. I intended to after speaking with [the Boss Lady] but I chose rather to just try not to upset you (stop tapping my feet, thinking out loud) rather than apologise. I hoped this would work, but in retrospect I have not been fair. I’m writing this e-mail not because I was prompted to by anyone, but because you deserve an apology. I understand why you would want to change our transport arrangements because of it and I’m sorry that happened if that’s the reason.
I have never meant to upset you from the beginning and I’m not sure whether this e-mail will upset you more since I’m not doing this in person (I hope it won’t). I’m not doing this in person because I don’t know whether it will end well if we spoke. I hope this is the better option and that afterwards we can speak about it if you still want to.
You were very kind to me from the beginning of my work here and I want you to know I’m grateful to you for it. Please accept my apology and let me know if we can talk about it. I hope we can start over.
Firstly I’m not sure if this is sincere, but FiFi says she thinks it is. That bit about not being prompted to apologise is a load of crap, he has already admitted that the Boss Lady told him that he was bothering us (I think that qualifies as a prompt, see 1st paragraph). My birthday is coming up and the Boss Lady asked what arrangements have been made, the team usually buy a gift and go for lunch. FiFi told her that I didn’t want him contributing and that I didn’t want him at the lunch. The Boss Lady was very disappointed with this and FiFi said she spoke to IT again and asked if he had spoken to me.
Why apologise to everyone but me? Surely he must know that we talk to each other, and that I would know that he had spoken to them. As you can tell I’m still very upset about all of this. I’m not sure if I should believe this and bury the hatchet or ignore this email completely and continue as before, or call him out on the inaccuracies. The sceptic in me keeps seeing all the problems in this email. I’ll be honest I cannot be objective in this regard; my hatred is actually blinding me. I really wish the adult in me would come out say: “well let’s give him a shot”. I know I don’t have to be friends with him but for the sake of my sanity perhaps I should speak to him. This all is coming on the back of me reaching the stage where I’ve gotten so good at ignoring him that I don’t see him when I walk past him. Any suggestions?
I really hate being censored, so to the persons who asked me not to include this email, you know what I’m like...
2 comments:
Why don't you change your perspective on IT? Maybe he is a bit 'touched' in the sense that he had to go to special classes in grade school and was kept away from the normal kids for his safety and theirs. After you get a nice image of IT as a little kid having to wear mittens year round and using safety scissors to this day, the pity factor will kick in and you can go right back to saving gas money by carpooling and ignoring him at work.
Like the idea of him being metally deficient, it can explain so much.
Gonna have to decide if I want to subject myself to a conversation with him.
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