One day I will find you!!

To the evil bastard who discarded their chewed bubble gum in my path, only to have me walk in it, although now it looks like I danced and did a pirouette in it and then ran through gravel coating the underside of my shoe with stones. It was my favourite pair of shoes, damn it. I quite simply wish serious lockjaw on you. If I had the resources that they do on CSI I would extract your DNA from the bubble gum, find you and torment you for the rest of your natural life. But I don’t have those resources. I will bid my time and wait until I win the lottery, then your evil ass is mine.

I tried, in vain, for 6.5 minutes (ok, so not really a long time) to remove it, but that shit is bonded to my shoe. I googled "ways to remove bubble gum from shoes", and all I got was use peanut butter. I don't keep peanut butter at my desk (although I do have golden syrup, I wonder if that will work). Maybe I could ask the office peeps if anyone brought peanut butter for lunch and then smear the sandwich under my shoe (hmmm).

In the end my therapist would say: "that sort of anger could not merely come from having bubble gum under your shoe, what's really the problem here?" I’m feuding with the mommy.